the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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