I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
