Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My cat gives me a boner
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is classic penis vs brain.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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