I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
