I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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