Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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