Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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