Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
cat food counts as protein by the way
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize