how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
