My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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