Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
