PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
