I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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