I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
