I need help removing her.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
