I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize