you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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