I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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