I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
