"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
