Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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