So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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