"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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