how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
