I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
