I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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