I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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