Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
