So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
