He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
