quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
MIDGETS
????
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
