It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
