piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
