I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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