You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
