yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
