i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize