They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
