Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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