Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
