I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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