from now on my penis is your penis
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
