Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
