i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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