once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
