I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm too high and old for this...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
