i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
