my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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