the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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