I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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