Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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