it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
