that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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