Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
