So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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