He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
