it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
