i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
