He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
