Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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