Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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