Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
