I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This is classic penis vs brain.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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