well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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