Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
