Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
