Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
