...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
two words...techno handjob
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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