I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
